Great Mystery Fiction, Emoticon-Style

I was reading an article about emoticons: you know, those little doodads that serve as a sort of end punctuation in emails.

Here are some classics:

🙂    Smiley face

😐    Neutral face

😦    Frowny face

Of course, we also have those great Web acronyms/abbreviations:

LOL  Laughing out loud

TTYL  Talk to you later

OMG  Oh my God

I was thinking that it might be fun to ruin some classic works of mystery and literary fiction with Internet abbreviations (and their common overuse of punctuation). Here are some great first lines, emoticonized. I think I prefer the originals.

Agatha Christie, The Murder of Roger Ackroyd

Mrs. Ferrars died on the night of the 16th-17th September–a Thursday. 😦

Gillian Flynn, Gone Girl

When I think of my wife, I always think of her head.  WTF!?!

Josephine Tey, The Franchise Affair

It was four o’clock of a spring evening; and Robert Blair was thinking of going home. 😐

Jane Austen, Pride and Prejudice

It is a truth universally acknowledged that a single man in possession of a good fortune must be in want of a wife. 😉

Scott Turow, Presumed Innocent

This is how I always start: “I am the prosecutor.”  OMG

Stieg Larsson, The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo

It happend every year, was almost a ritual.  ?????????

Elizabeth George, In the Presence of the Enemy

Charlotte Bowen thought she was dead. 😦

Alexander McCall Smith, The Handsome Man’s De Luxe Cafe

Precious Ramotswe, creator and owner of the No. 1 Ladies’ Detective agency, friend of those who needed help with the problems in their lives, and wife of that great garagiste Mr. J.L.B. Matekoni, felt that there were, broadly speaking, two sorts of days. There were days on which nothing of any consequence took place–these were in the clear majority–and then there were those on which rather too much happened. On those eventful days you might well wish that a bit more would happen; on days when too much occurred, you longed for life to become a bit quieter. 🙂


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